Friendships and depression

What do you do when others around you bring you down further?
How do you deal with the 'friend' who complains a lot and criticizes a fair bit ? When the 'friend ' leaves, you actually feel more down.
This is such a common problem. We allow the people around us to dictate the mood of the social gathering instead of us trying to manipulate it into a great social time. The reason we do that is, primarily , if you're suffering with depression, you don't always have the strength and self esteem to be able to go up against an opinionated person. You are absolutely not alone. The trick with this problem is:
First, acknowledge that this person is ruining the gathering,
Second, decide what you have the strength to do- get up and leave , begin a lively discussion with some around you, or change the subject if the party of people is a small group.
There are always choices in every situation.
Before going out, which for a depressed person can be quite a big deal anyway, decide that you want to have a good time and enjoy yourself. By doing this, you are more likely to take action when someone begins to bring the mood down.
The other thing to mention is : don't take negative comments or criticisms back home with you. As you're leaving the party/restaurant/home, imagine you're walking through the bad comments and leaving them in the venue, they are not attached to you and not welcome in your home. I know this seems like a strange suggestion, but many things are fueled by our powerful imaginations, why not let them work for good!!

If you have  a 'friend ' who often pops over and causes you to feel bad about yourself , this person is not really your friend. I have mentioned before, but this can never get too much air time, you need to distance yourself from this person. If they pop over unannounced daily, you need to open the door slightly and just mention that now isn't really a good time , hope she understands and thanks anyway for stopping by. Don't stand there and discuss why, you don't need to give any reason why, just because.
It is in people's nature to want to know if you're alright, you just need to say something like- I'm fine, now is just not a good time for me. Give this a try, I guarantee you'll feel quite empowered when you see it working!!
Well, I hope you are able to surround yourself with positive people this week!
Take care until next time.
Deb

Coping with depression during tragic events

 When you're suffering from depression or are prone to a depressive attack, keeping the tragic events of our world at bay, is very important. The difficulty is, our natural instinct is to want to see what is happening and keep up to date.  The reality is, most of us can't do anything about it, so it's important not to take on all the negativity. If you are deeply affected by a tragic event , maybe you can rather think how you can offer help to those in need and spend time organizing that, as opposed to watching the hours of news footage.
There are many tragedies occuring daily around the world. You can't take on these problems because it takes you down. When you are down, it's not just you who is affected, but your whole family. You need to put some strategies in place to keep you going when something touches you deeply.
This does not mean you don't care, rather it means you care enough about yourself and those around you, that you don't get too deeply affected by these events.

Some recommended strategies are:
1. Limit your news footage viewing on the television to twice a week. (or less!)
2. Limit your newspaper reading to twice a week. (or less!)
3. Try to remove yourself from conversations, if possible, when others around you are discussing the tragic event.
4. If helping is what you're good at, think of ways you can help where a tragic event has occurred.
5. You now have hours available to you as you're not watching the news as much or reading the paper, so take up a new hobby or get to something you've been too busy to do!!

I hope your week is calm and focused.
Take care
           Deb

Finding the positives in your depression

When you are trying to win your battle against depression, you need to be aware of the people you've surrounded yourself with. Look around. Are your friends and family positive or negative people? Do they make you feel happy and energized when you're with them or do they make you feel angry, depressed and lacking in motivation?
It's time to be honest with yourself.
I remember a time when I had a couple of friends who were constantly negative. When I finally became aware of this, I decided to distance myself from them and focus on friends who were positive and good for me. It isn't always easy to dstance yourself from certain people as some will constantly phone or pop over. You need to use strategies like this:
On the phone, you need to cut off their conversation and tell them that you're really busy right now and could they possibly email you as then you can get to it later. Repitition is really important here. They will eventually stop calling and you can then send short replies to the emails.
In person, it's important that you tell the person that you've been taking time out for yourself lately and so won't always be available to sit down and chat. Tell them, it's not them, it's just that you're changing your life and need to do things for yourself. I'm sure they will respect that even if they need repitition!!
These are important things to do in your effort to improve your state of mind. It's all about taking the control of your life and who you surround yourself with. If you've married a negative person, you will need to put other strategies in place that allow you to develop your self esteem so you can feel good about yourself and not let them affect you.
Well , I'll leave you to it. Surround yourself with love this week.
Take care
          Deb