Helping yourself.

I hope your Christmas was a happy one! It certainly does help to make the decision to have a happy time, it makes you look for the happiness in everything. That is what I do, and it works for me.

I feel the need to share some recent experiences with you. I have suffered with hayfever and sinisitus for a long time. Whilst it is by no means life threatening, it can really make you feel disgusting and limit your social life! This year, I decided that I'd had enough of hibernating during this season, it was time to take action. For some, this may seem difficult, but if you focus on getting well in your physical self, it can really improve your mental state.

I began certain affirmations that I knew would help, I avoided dairy, I avoided as much as possible being exposed to outdoors. All this helped to a small degree, but I found I still needed to take medication- my last resort. When that didn't even help, I was fairly desparate.
I then went to try something that I've never before tried...... Acupuncture!  You can't have a fear of needles and go there!
Anyway, this has been life altering in that I have felt clear and more focused than I have in years.
The point of this story? Well, it is this:
Always be open to new ideas and new ways of thinking if you are wanting to improve your well being. You are always in control of where you want your life to go and how you are feeling. There may be times you need outside help, that's ok. The important thing is that you do what you can to help yourself.
I hope this motivates you to try something new this week to improve your well being.
Take care
Deb

Whole body health

I've found that a very real problem in trying to keep the spirits up is taking care of your whole body.
So, what I mean is, slotting in some exercise, sleeping adequately and balancing time with friends.
Are you one of those people who constantly says or thinks: "I"m too busy".....  It is some peoples standard response when invited to things or when comments are made about enjoying yourself.
Well, you are only as busy as you think you are!!
A suggestion is this: Don't decide that you 're going to exercise every day- that is just unrealistic. Think seriously about your life and see if you can make 2 or 3 times a week. Now that sounds a bit more doable! When you bring it down to smaller amounts, it's suddenly not as over whelming. The thing to remember is that even if you manage only twice in the week, that is two more times than you would have done in the past- so , celebrate.
When it comes to sleeping, this cannot be over emphasized. If you lack sleep, it directly affects your cognitive abilities as well as your emotions. You become much more susceptible to slipping into a depressive state when you are constantly tired. This is why, new parents are at such a risk. Sleep is one of the most important things you can do for your general health and well being. Try to set a sleep time and stick to it as much as possible. You will be really glad you did when you awaken in the morning and feel great.
During the week, try to do these 2 things to assist you towards a healthy 2012.
Remember, although this is the silly season, you don't have to be hurried and rushed - you can choose to have a fun week.
I hope you do!
Take care
Deb

Tis the Season to be Merry??

Well, Christmas time is here again. It is traditionally a time for touching base with family and friends, exchanging small gifts, and spending time with loved ones. BUT, what happens if you have no family where you are? What happens if you don't feel you want to impose on anyone on Christmas day?
How do you cope with keeping your spirits up at this time?
Well, I'll tell you how I do it. I have no family and I have always felt that Christmas is a family time.
I decided a few years ago, to create a Christmas that was with my traditions. It was like wiping the slate clean and starting again. I do a celebration dinner on Christmas eve with friends, which means I"m not encroaching on their time, but I'm still managing to have a Christmas that I want. It's also lots of fun! If you don't cook all that well, neither do I , yet I managed with precooked chickens and other things!! It's not the food necessarily, but the company and what the holiday represents to you.
You have a choice. You can choose to withdraw and pity yourself, or you can choose to get out there, and include yourself in the festivities.

On Christmas day, I've grown to really enjoy the relaxing that goes with not having to go to anyone's home, or the expectations of having to cook extra to take along!! Celebrate what you do have!
Another great way to give back if you're alone, is to offer to help at a refuge for people less fortunate. How wonderful is it to offer your services on Christmas day. It embodies all that Christmas is.

There are so many things to celebrate in this life, it all comes down to whether you will choose to do this or not.
Well, I hope you make a good choice and enjoy life!
Take care till next time
Deb

Gaining Clarity.

I have learned that life appears to lack purpose when we are not clear on what it is that we want. Often when we are depressed and spiralling out of control, we can't even think about what to cook for dinner, let alone, think about what it is that we want out of our life. There is a reason we talk about things 'spiralling' out of control, because it is circular and continuous .You'll need to step out sideways to help yourself.
How do you get clear on what you want?
Make a list of everything that you'd like to do with your life. This list mustn't be influenced by logic or financial issues. Just go ahead and list it all. Now, do an elimination. Compare number 1 on your list with number 2- choose just one between those two, then compare the one you chose with number 3 and choose only 1 of those etc etc. At the end, you will have really limited your list and made note of only those that are the most important. I know it feels like you're really eliminating some that are hard to choose between, but give it a go, you can always come back to it.
At the end, you may have about 8 or so points that you had really found hard to eliminate. Do it over with those extras until you're left with your top 5 .
Those top 5 are obviously deeply important to you and are things that you really want to achieve someday . Here are some examples:
-Live in a large 5 bedroomed house by the sea
-writing successful mystery novels
-spending lots of quality time with my family
-going on a family holiday at least once a year
-helping millions of people
etc
To help you could begin your sentence with- I"m living my ideal life when I am......
In life, the reason we don't succeed is because we are not clear and focused on what it is that we want. Take time out now, to decide what it is you want to focus on , even if you're not sure how you're going to achieve it yet, just write them up in various places around your home and read them several times in the day. It is like programming your mind for clarity. Be open to what is taking you away from these things and what is pulling you closer towards them.
Next time, I"ll help you further by getting you to make yardsticks by which to measure when it is that you have succeeded in achieving that which you desire. In other words, how to know when you're "there".
Have a great time thinking of your ideal life.
chat soon
Deb

Setting Goals and achieving them Part 2..

Well, I hope you have had a great week compiling your list of goals and deciding what to focus on. When you are in a depressed state, one of the ways to help yourself to overcome overwhelming emotions is to focus on a goal. Even if that goal is simple , like, making sure you leave your house at least once a day. Goals don't have to be grand , they can just be something that you personally would like to achieve.  I have more points for you , as I said in my previous post to assist you in creating a focus. Points 1 to 5 are in my previous post.

6. Be Specific in what direction you want to go in, and how you propose to get closer to your goal. What do you hope to achieve by reaching your goal? You need to be aware of what is driving you to achieve and maintain your focus, as this will help you with maintaining your  motivation.

7. Committment - Failure is not an option.When you don't allow yourself an out, you have no choice but to move forward and proceed with your plans.

8. Progress reports to stay on track. On a road to reach a destination, you have signs to show you the way. Signs are like a feed back to you to say you're on the right road. Check regularly to see that what you are doing is taking you closer to your goal, not further away.

9. Goals are your jigsaw lid ! Have you ever tried to put a jigsaw together without the picture on the lid? It's really difficult and for some of us, just impossible ! The lid is like your goals and the jigsaw is your life. Don't try to create the jigsaw of your life without the goals to guide you. You will spend a lot of frustrating times, wondering why your life isn't working.

10. A goal is an idea of what you'd like in your life. It all begins as a dream and becomes a goal, once you realize you can obtain it.

I realize that depending on your level of depression, this post may not suit you, but I urge you to try some goal setting. Keep it simple and go for achieving one goal at a time. If you make too many goals at once, you can become over whelmed and achieve none .
I wish you good times this week. Use the days ahead wisely and with purpose.
Take care til next time.
Deb

Setting Goals and Achieving them, Part 1.

Setting goals is  a very important part of healing yourself from depression. By setting one goal at a time, you are learning to take yourself in a positive direction. Often, we don't really know what we want, so it's important to think about and write down all that we'd like to achieve first. Here are some tips:

1. Visualize your goal: Focus on what you intend to receive when you've achieved your goal. Take your thoughts into the right direction. Notice that your life will move towards what you think about, so be aware of your thoughts.
2. Don't focus on obstacles. Identify any potential conflicts surrounding this goal. You can't move forward successfully until these conflicts have been resolved.
3. Write your ideas of what you'd like to achieve down. This process is not planned but more brainstormed. The reason for this step is to build enthusiasm and bring energy and motivation into the idea that you have.
4. Once you've got a list of ideas and great enthusiasm, now you can put your actual , specific goals down in writing.
5. Set a deadline for your goal. For Example, as soon as you decide to visit the mountains, and you've booked your accomadation- guess what happens? From then on, everything and anything to do with the mountains will start to show itself to you. It is like this for a goal. The goal comes first, and then we see how to achieve it. Sometimes we only see ahead a little bit at a time, but we're going in the right direction towards achieving it.

I have 5 more points to add to this, so next week I'll add onto this goal setting  post. It is really important in helping you towards positive change. In the meantime, think about where you are going and where you'd like to be. Put some of these ideas into action.
Until next week,
Take care
Deb

Life Change/ new job- how this affects you...

I began a part time job at the end of last year. With that, comes all sorts of difficulties , mentally. There is the stress of being in a new environment, learning new things and trying to retain all the information. A new job can be a very stressful time. It generally takes at least 6 months to settle in and feel comfortable and loose your anxieties. This is not only for a new job, but also a life change of some sort. There are the same feelings and stresses that you go through. It is at this time that we are most prone to dipping back into our depression.
The reason we feel stressed is because we are facing fears that appear too large at that time. During this time you will probably feel over whelmed and go through confusion. The reason for this is that , your life has lost the balance that you had it at, and now you are trying to regain your balance with your change in it. The regaining of balance can be quite a tricky thing. The first step to helping yourself in this situation is to acknowledge how you are feeling- really how you are feeling !!
Once you've realized this, then you can begin to regain your balance. The ways to bring yourself together could be:
a) Meditation
b) walking in the fresh air.
c) planning all your evening meals for the week ( this removes the added stress of decisions !)
d)Taking some time out for yourself to do something that you love.

There are so many more things you could be doing to help, but I have found those the most helpful in getting you back on track.
I hope your week ahead is calm and stress free.
Take care
Deb

Find your focus !

Do you ever feel "absent minded" ? It is a feeling of floating aimlessly, almost lost. There is an abscense of joy. This is very much like the depths of depression.
It is during this time that things pass you by, people pass you by. It is like drifting in a fog. During this time so much is lost - we loose the connectedness of life.
As humans, it is important to make connections - to places, people and even some things. It is who we are. So, if you have been feeling "absent minded" lately, it is because you are focusing on the wrong things. STOP. Take some time now, to review your last month and what your focus has been. Now, decide what you would like your focus in life to be.
Every step you take forward, remind yourself of your focus and make sure that your steps take you towards your goal, not further away.This does take considerable effort and you can't slip back into the fog. If it helps you to retain your focus, write your goal down several times and stick it places that you look at a lot . For example , mirror, computer, TV, fridge etc.
It is also important to only focus on one main goal at a time. By doing this, you are sure to succeed at it, as it is of sole importance.
I wish you joy this week. Find your focus and move solidly towards it.
Good luck.
Take care
Deb

Slipping back into Depression....

Recently I was reminded of how easy it is to slip back down into the depths of depression. It can be an accumulation of things that pushes you down. The signs to look out for are:
* Inability to focus on other people- as one becomes too consumed by self.
* Increasingly withdrawn from friends- a sense of deep unhappiness.
* An increase of crying for the seemingly minor things.
* An overwhelming feeling that life is spiralling out of control and you need to get out.

If you feel this way, seek help. I tend to speak out to a friend and by doing so gain perspective of where I'm at. You may feel the same or need to see a professional, like a counsellor who can help to empower you. Either way, it is important at this point to get all the negative , sad, desparate, overwhelming things out in the open. When you do this, you are able to view things from a better perspective and get a sense of wanting to get out of the hole. It can take a few days or weeks to get to a better place, but , perservere as you will get there.
 During this time, be gentle on yourself. Realize that you are needing some special attention and take steps to give yourself just that. I do not mean, go on a shopping trip to make yourself feel better!!! That is just a band-aid!! Special attention requires assessment of self, talking to someone, writing in a journal and stopping your normal routine to 'smell the roses'.

I'm still clawing my way back up, but writing helps me a great deal. I'd love to hear what helps you when you're depressed. If you get a moment, please post a comment, it might help someone else too!
Take care
Debxxx

Living in the Now - how this helps to combat Depression.

Living in the now - I know this sounds strange, but so often we dwell on what has happened or what could happen! If you dwell on what has happened, you're living in the past and can't seem to let things go. Maybe they are not negative things , just things you're constantly remembering, your memories. This is fabulous, but , be careful that this is the only place you're dwelling. It's important to feel comfortable with what is happening around us on a daily basis.
If you think too much about the past, your memories, you will not always have your wits about you in your everyday life. Opportunites might pass you by, friends might start to overlook you and you become increasingly isolated. All this will increase your depressive state. If your memories are not good, well, obviously you will then keep yourself locked in your depression , trapped by your mind.
If you are planning too far ahead by worrying about what could happen, well then , you are also not present. The exact same thing happens to you. You are so focused ahead of yourself that you miss the important events that are happening right now. The worrying clogs your brain functioning, causing you to become overwhelmed and highly stressed . All this will naturally affect your mental health.
The Present: Stay focused on what is happening as it happens. When you are riding a bike, just concentrate on that and look around you enjoying it- think of nothing else. When cooking, only think of that. Refer to my previous post on Multi tasking, this give more info.
The Past: The past is important as it is from this that we learn and move forward in life. Take lessons from your past, be aware of what you've learned, but then try to let them go. If it has not served you well in the past, it will not serve you well in the future.
The Future: Planning ahead is very organized for certain events, like a wedding or party etc, but worrying about future events is energy sapping. Try to be aware of your thoughts of the future. Are you planning constructively or worrying?

I hope you will try to live in the present - it helps to keep you grounded and focused for your daily living.
Take care
Deb

Hope in the midst of Depression

In this world that we live in, there are so many tragic events. If we dwell on these tragic events in life, we begin to question life and its purpose- we begin to lose hope.
As a person suffering with depression, it is particularly important to view each day as a new beginning. As you wake up in the morning, picture all the emotional stuff that you had from the day before , being wiped off the slate and now you begin again- from a clean slate.
That is the beauty of life, there is a new beginning when the sun rises each day. Each day we have another chance at making our world a  beautiful place to be. Each day we get another chance to change something that we don't like or want in our lives. Each day is fresh, is new and filled with hope.

When you're in the midst of depression, hope begins to fade. When you wake up each day, you feel a sense of dread and heaviness. It is important to recognise this feeling and know that only you can change it to create a better place for yourself. Here are some tips to help brighten your morning with hope:

1. As you wake, give thanks (doesn't have to be to God) for something that you enjoy in your life eg that you can walk, see, hear, have a great child, have a home.....etc
2. When you've got your morning drink, have a look outside and notice the leaves, branches, birds around. If there's ice on the ground, notice the sparkles, if there's dew, notice the glimmer.
3. Take time during the day, to stop. When you stop, notice nature around you and enjoy it.
4. When you can, take a walk to the park, down the street, or just sit in your back garden. Learn to look outside of yourself, it is by doing this that you'll learn to stop analyzing everything that you do!

Let's build hope together in this crazy world, for without it, there is nothing.
Have a great week.
Take care
Deb

Letting go....

It has come to my attention that there are many people out there, who just can't let things go!! It may be something big or small, it doesn't matter, the point is that if you don't release it, it will rule you and affect your mental state contributing to an increasing depression.
We are not always aware of the fact that we are harbouring thoughts about someone who has wronged us - in our eyes. We think we have moved on but find ourselves discussing the issue with many friends repeatedly. Have a think....... has this happened to you recently? Do you find yourself speaking ill of someone in particular , frequently?
Letting go is not as easy as it sounds. It is something that only you can do and is totally controlled by you and the way you react to situations. Here are some tips for letting go:
1. Acknowledge that you are repeatedly refering to a situation and carrying around bad feelings about it.
2. Purchase a 'letting go' book, which is  a blank book for you to write in. It is here that you are going to write about all the bad feelings you feel and everything that you want to do. It will probably not be reading for anyone other than yourself!!
3. Every day, several times a day, whenever you have thoughts of anger or irritation about this person or situation, you need to write it down in the book. Instead of repeating yourself to those around you, you are now going to remain silent on the issue and only write about it.
4. This is a process , which means it will take some time, but eventually you'll find you write in there less and less because the issue diminishes in importance. You are beginning to let go..

Letting go is of incredible importance to our mental state. If we hold onto past hurts, angers, irritations and grievances, we keep all the resentments inside us. It is all this that can fester and assist in causing dis-eases like cancer.  Be aware of how you feel towards those who are close to you and repair any grievances.
By letting go, you will bring more peace into your life and chase away the cobwebs of depression.

May the week ahead be one where you release the hurts and begin to see life as a wonderful place again.
Take care till next time..
Deb

7 Steps to Creating a healthy life

You can chose to create a healthy life. It is your choice even if you feel your depression is just something you have to live with. Well, you don't. Here are some ways that you can improve your general health and well being:
1. GRATITUDE. Keep a gratitude journal in which every day, you write at least 5 things that you are grateful for.  This helps with allowing the brain to recognize the beauty in your life.
2. ENVIRONMENT. Surround yourself with open spaces, organization, flowers, beauty and your life will reflect that. If you surround yourself with clutter, dead plants, and chaos, your life will reflect ill health and chaos. You choose.
3.POLLUTION. Stop polluting your mind with visual images of depressing things. Limit television viewing, loud music, loud social environments. Allow there to be times of peace and tranquility and then your life will reflect this.
4.ASSOCIATION. Check on who you associate with and make sure it is with people who you really like and who reciprocate these feelings. The association must be a positive one for you. Sometimes we associate with people who don't bring out the best in us, be aware of this and change it.
5.LOVE. Always try to do the things that you love, that way, you will always love what you're doing!! If there is love involved, your life will always be a happy place.
6.RELAX. Take time out to relax your entire body including the mind. You could practise meditation or do an activity that brings about profound peace and relaxation to you.
7. BALANCE. Work out your priorities and balance your work, home and health into one. I include health in this as it involves exercise which needs to be scheduled into your balance. Whatever you rate as the most important will be what your focus is currently on. What is that for you? You can change that today by taking some steps to re-prioritize.

I hope this gives you something to think about. I'd like to suggest that you copy and paste this list , print it out and stick it somewhere that you look at every day. This will remind you that you have choices and you will then make the right ones if you are always aware.
Have a great  week making healthy choices !
Take care
Deb

Post Natal Depression

After the birth of a baby, everyone is very excited and it is such a wondrous event. Why then, do you feel like you just want to leave this life? Why do you feel like you don't like your baby?
It is a time when you feel guilty and abnormal. You know that you 'should' love your baby, you know that you 'should' feel elated. This kind of depression is often hidden as the new mother feels very ashamed that she doesn't 'love ' her baby as she 'should'.
There is no shame in depression. It is merely a state of mind, an imbalance in your system, one that you need to acknowledge. It is important to acknowledge these feelings and discuss them with a counsellor or a very good friend or your husband/partner. PND is usually a temporary depression, but if left unchecked, as in my case, serious depression can result.
There are still things you can do to assist yourself in creating a balance in your life and aiding your body into wellness.
1. Admit your feelings to someone and acknowledge that this is PND.
2. Each day, try to find something about your baby that you love. This will help you to see the beauty. I know this may seem like a silly suggestion, but it is necessary to bring about acceptance.
3. Instead of resenting the baby for waking you up for a feed, realize that this is what the babe will do and try to accept it instead of fighting against it.
4 Make a plan to have someone pop over during the day to allow you to have a good 2 hours or so sleep to help you. When you are sleep deprived, this can really take depression to an all time low. If you don't have someone to help, be very strict on allowing yourself to get sleep when your baby sleeps. Don't worry about the state of the house - care more about the state of you!!
This is a very complex time and so much more can be said about this, but in the efforts to remain brief, I'll stop here!
If you or someone you care about is showing signs of PND, lend them a hand, even if they don't appear to want it. Sometimes we need to force our way in and help to allow them to heal.
I hope the week ahead is filled with joyous moments.
Take care
Deb

Depression and hospital stays

Recently I received an email regarding Healthcare Associated Infections (HAIs). I was astounded to realize how many people become infected after their treatments! When someone develops an infection at a  hospital or patient care facility that they did not have prior to treatment, this is referred to as a Healthcare Associated Infection.
This is a Global crisis affecting both patients and healthcare workers alike. HAIs often lead to lengthened hospital stays or even readmission. This obviously not only takes its toll on your physical health but on your emotional wellbeing.
So , how do you cope with longer than expected stays in hospital? Well, as with everything, it's in the attitude. Now, your attitude is great when you're healthy, but what about when you're sick and in pain? This is a vey difficult time to try to keep depression at bay. You can do it though with a few strategies and some help from kind friends and family. Here are a few suggestions :
1. Get an ipod or similar device with music on that lifts your spirit.
2. On your ipod, also put some motivational talk and meditation music. These are great for lifting you and calming you too.
3. Get some loved items from home to have around you . Nothing heals the soul and body quicker than the feeling of home and peace. So, the next best thing is to bring some of the home to you!! (eg of things could be a favourite blanket, pillow, photoframe etc)

Now I know that some of this might prove to be impossible to you, which is why you get family and friends involved. People want to help, so let them. Now, it's very important for your physical pain and emotional state to practise a little meditation during this time. It is this which will help to restore the balance back into your life and get you well again.( of course coupled with medication if required.)

So, don't wait for hospital stays to start doing this, but if you are looking at entering hospital or a care facility, then consider going in armed with these things to facilitate your wellness.
Forwarned is forearmed so hop onto the HAI website to find out more.
http://www.haiwatch.com/
Let's help ourselves in all situations this week and bring about abundant wellness!!
Take care till next time.
Deb

Friendships and depression

What do you do when others around you bring you down further?
How do you deal with the 'friend' who complains a lot and criticizes a fair bit ? When the 'friend ' leaves, you actually feel more down.
This is such a common problem. We allow the people around us to dictate the mood of the social gathering instead of us trying to manipulate it into a great social time. The reason we do that is, primarily , if you're suffering with depression, you don't always have the strength and self esteem to be able to go up against an opinionated person. You are absolutely not alone. The trick with this problem is:
First, acknowledge that this person is ruining the gathering,
Second, decide what you have the strength to do- get up and leave , begin a lively discussion with some around you, or change the subject if the party of people is a small group.
There are always choices in every situation.
Before going out, which for a depressed person can be quite a big deal anyway, decide that you want to have a good time and enjoy yourself. By doing this, you are more likely to take action when someone begins to bring the mood down.
The other thing to mention is : don't take negative comments or criticisms back home with you. As you're leaving the party/restaurant/home, imagine you're walking through the bad comments and leaving them in the venue, they are not attached to you and not welcome in your home. I know this seems like a strange suggestion, but many things are fueled by our powerful imaginations, why not let them work for good!!

If you have  a 'friend ' who often pops over and causes you to feel bad about yourself , this person is not really your friend. I have mentioned before, but this can never get too much air time, you need to distance yourself from this person. If they pop over unannounced daily, you need to open the door slightly and just mention that now isn't really a good time , hope she understands and thanks anyway for stopping by. Don't stand there and discuss why, you don't need to give any reason why, just because.
It is in people's nature to want to know if you're alright, you just need to say something like- I'm fine, now is just not a good time for me. Give this a try, I guarantee you'll feel quite empowered when you see it working!!
Well, I hope you are able to surround yourself with positive people this week!
Take care until next time.
Deb

Coping with depression during tragic events

 When you're suffering from depression or are prone to a depressive attack, keeping the tragic events of our world at bay, is very important. The difficulty is, our natural instinct is to want to see what is happening and keep up to date.  The reality is, most of us can't do anything about it, so it's important not to take on all the negativity. If you are deeply affected by a tragic event , maybe you can rather think how you can offer help to those in need and spend time organizing that, as opposed to watching the hours of news footage.
There are many tragedies occuring daily around the world. You can't take on these problems because it takes you down. When you are down, it's not just you who is affected, but your whole family. You need to put some strategies in place to keep you going when something touches you deeply.
This does not mean you don't care, rather it means you care enough about yourself and those around you, that you don't get too deeply affected by these events.

Some recommended strategies are:
1. Limit your news footage viewing on the television to twice a week. (or less!)
2. Limit your newspaper reading to twice a week. (or less!)
3. Try to remove yourself from conversations, if possible, when others around you are discussing the tragic event.
4. If helping is what you're good at, think of ways you can help where a tragic event has occurred.
5. You now have hours available to you as you're not watching the news as much or reading the paper, so take up a new hobby or get to something you've been too busy to do!!

I hope your week is calm and focused.
Take care
           Deb

Finding the positives in your depression

When you are trying to win your battle against depression, you need to be aware of the people you've surrounded yourself with. Look around. Are your friends and family positive or negative people? Do they make you feel happy and energized when you're with them or do they make you feel angry, depressed and lacking in motivation?
It's time to be honest with yourself.
I remember a time when I had a couple of friends who were constantly negative. When I finally became aware of this, I decided to distance myself from them and focus on friends who were positive and good for me. It isn't always easy to dstance yourself from certain people as some will constantly phone or pop over. You need to use strategies like this:
On the phone, you need to cut off their conversation and tell them that you're really busy right now and could they possibly email you as then you can get to it later. Repitition is really important here. They will eventually stop calling and you can then send short replies to the emails.
In person, it's important that you tell the person that you've been taking time out for yourself lately and so won't always be available to sit down and chat. Tell them, it's not them, it's just that you're changing your life and need to do things for yourself. I'm sure they will respect that even if they need repitition!!
These are important things to do in your effort to improve your state of mind. It's all about taking the control of your life and who you surround yourself with. If you've married a negative person, you will need to put other strategies in place that allow you to develop your self esteem so you can feel good about yourself and not let them affect you.
Well , I'll leave you to it. Surround yourself with love this week.
Take care
          Deb