Finding the positives in your depression

When you are trying to win your battle against depression, you need to be aware of the people you've surrounded yourself with. Look around. Are your friends and family positive or negative people? Do they make you feel happy and energized when you're with them or do they make you feel angry, depressed and lacking in motivation?
It's time to be honest with yourself.
I remember a time when I had a couple of friends who were constantly negative. When I finally became aware of this, I decided to distance myself from them and focus on friends who were positive and good for me. It isn't always easy to dstance yourself from certain people as some will constantly phone or pop over. You need to use strategies like this:
On the phone, you need to cut off their conversation and tell them that you're really busy right now and could they possibly email you as then you can get to it later. Repitition is really important here. They will eventually stop calling and you can then send short replies to the emails.
In person, it's important that you tell the person that you've been taking time out for yourself lately and so won't always be available to sit down and chat. Tell them, it's not them, it's just that you're changing your life and need to do things for yourself. I'm sure they will respect that even if they need repitition!!
These are important things to do in your effort to improve your state of mind. It's all about taking the control of your life and who you surround yourself with. If you've married a negative person, you will need to put other strategies in place that allow you to develop your self esteem so you can feel good about yourself and not let them affect you.
Well , I'll leave you to it. Surround yourself with love this week.
Take care
          Deb

Life is what you make it.

Life is definitely what you make of it. If you know that you're going to be alone , or mostly alone during this holiday time, make plans to visit some people/friends/relatives. I know that when you're suffering with depression, very often this is the last thing you feel like doing. It's something that you MUST do. The visit doesn't have to last for a day- an hour or two at the most. The important thing during this slowing down time is that, you have a focus each day. As I've discussed in a previous post, make a list of a few things you'd like to do each day, a fun list to fit the season.
If you must do housework - plan to listen to some funky , motivating music while you work!
If you can think of absolutely no-one that you want to visit, then look around you , plan to spend an hour in the park(weather permitting!) on a picnic rug, reading a book, or pop over to the local library to find some great books or DVD's to rent. Go for a walk along the beach , or for a skate in your local area. Pay attention to your surroundings - take photos, create a holiday collage with your happy snaps....... the list is absolutely endless.
So you see, life is what you decide you want to make of it. I hope during this holiday season, you find someone else to share joy with, if not, share it with yourself !! You're worth it.
                           Take care
                                     Debxxx

Festive Season??

Time has a way of running away with us around Christmas time, doesn't it? It's a time of great fun and joy but it is also a time of great sadness. If you're prone to feeling depressed especially around Christmas time, you need to acknowledge that you feel that way, and make moves to change what you do. Here's some tips to get you through the season:
1. Change what you usually do. For example, if you usually spend the day alone, change it this year by asking  friends around or by finding out if you can pop over for a cuppa and cake in the afternoon. It's not imposing if it's just for a short time.
2. Spend some time making a list of what you'd like to do to help others in 2011. You could name the people you'd like to help, or just choose an organization you'd like to get involved with. This helps to take the focus off of your issues and really helps you to feel good about yourself.
3. Make a plan to spoil yourself at Christmas, instead of lamenting that you don't get anything. Think about all the indulgent things you'd like and try to get some or all of them for yourself!! Then, take time to enjoy them and give thanks.
If money is your issue, then you need to find ways of making the day fun without spending much money. You could go for a walk in a beautiful part of your town and admire all the lovely flowers, you could take some photos and print them at home and make a Christmas photo collage, you could knock on your neighbour's door and wish them. If you have made anything, you could give them a few cookies on a plate. You'd be surprised where all this will lead to make your day memorable! Unfortunately, some money must be spent, but you can get a great deal for only a small amount. The trick is not to focus on how little you have, but how much.
If it helps , write down all that you are grateful for and cherish yourself and your health.
I wish you all a fabulous Christmas. Look toward happiness, search for it, and it will be right there!
Take care
         Deb
             xxxx

Skewed perceptions during depression.

Just  chatting to a friend today about how when things happen that get you down or you do already suffer from depression, we tend to perceive things differently.
For instance, when your significant other forgets to say ' I love you' at an expected time ; you immediately feel hurt, rejected and start thinking that there's someone else .... and so the mind goes on...
This is skewed perception . It is totally in our mind , it is what we perceive to be true at that time.
When we are suffering from depression, it is amazing how the truths that we perceive can be so totally unrealistic and 'out there'. I realize that if you're currently in this situation, you won't be able to see it.
An example could be: You think a friend is ignoring you, you feel hurt and rejected. You start to wonder what you did wrong and become a little obsessed in thinking about it. Sound familiar??
 Just for a minute, think about what the other person is going through and whether they are ignoring you because they don't like you or because they are seriously distracted and are having a crisis of their own? There's a good chance that if they're your friend, you need to stop thinking in terms of how the person is relating to you and start thinking how you can relate to them. Stop doubting your magnificence and start reaching out to help a friend in need.
Also, just a little note before I end today. All of us are going through various things in life. You are not the only one, so feel free to share about your life with others. How can a friend possibly support you during your time of need , if you won't let her know how you are feeling.
I hope this helps for this week. Take time to think of others and share some of yourself with your dear friends.
                Take care
                        Deb

Forgive yourself

We are our harshest critics. If we drop a glass, we get so cross with ourselves, yet if one of our kids drops it, we are able(most of us) to forgive them and move on. We can forgive others so much easier than ourselves. Why is that? A long time ago when you were just a child, you just accepted it if you made a mistake, but then, adults in your life may have pointed your mistakes out in a not so loving way. You began to think about how flawed you were and constantly aimed to please the adults, accepting criticism as part of life. During this criticism was when you learned not to forgive yourself.
Well, now it's time to change! In order to forgive ourselves, we need to learn to love ourselves just the way we are. This doesn't mean that we'll never change parts of ourselves , it just means that we accept who we are and love ourselves. This is one of the hardest concepts to learn. I found the only way to help myself was to state " I love and accept you just the way you are" , while looking at myself in the mirror. What this does is reinforces to you that you actually like yourself and this is the beginning of being gentle with yourself. When you have done something that you're cross with yourself for doing, you need to go to the mirror and state: I love you anyway and I forgive you. I know this may sound strange, but this is what is needed to inform your mind that you are moving on. Louise Hay is fantastic to read or listen to on many of these concepts, if you're open to affirmations.
So, this week, I want you to not criticize yourself in ANY WAY.
May your week be peaceful and fulfilling.
                                     Take care
                                           Deb

Over- Analyzing and depression.

Well, I hope you managed to get moving last week to keep depressive ways at bay! This week, we'll chat about thinking too much. You know, when you analyse everything, pick it apart, critisize yourself and simply won't let it rest? Well, it's time to stop that.
The reason we over - analyse , according to me, is that we are too concerned about what others think of us. We critisize what we've said, how it was said and why we said it. Instead, what we need to do is realize that if we've made a mistake, we need to just man up and say sorry, and learn to LET GO. I think this is probably one of the hardest things to do. You may be asking yourself, but what does this have to do with depression? Well, when you're going through depression, you don't always have the best perceptions about yourself and others. At this time, we can pick apart something that was said to us or that we think was said about us. This is so damaging.
Realize this, it's all in your head! I mean that in a nice way. You need to learn that if someone wants to say something derogatory about you, that's their problem, not yours. LET IT GO.
If you've said something bad to someone and wish you'd never said it, say sorry, and then LET IT GO.
How do you let it go?
It's all about forgiveness of yourself. I'll chat about that next time, but in the meantime, try to be kind to yourself, realize that we all analyse things incorrectly and we need to learn to just let things be. We are human after all.
I hope this week, you can live for the moment, move with the flow and LET IT GO .....
                               Take care, till next time.
                                              Deb

How to keep depression at bay when you're not feeling well......

There are times when you're not feeling well due to illness or pain. This can also serve to deepen your depression. The reason for this is that , when we're not feeling well or in pain, we are primarily so focused on ourselves and how we feel , that we become really self absorbed. When we are so self absorbed, that is when the depression deepens, as we only look at ourselves and into ourselves. So, in light of this, when you're of ill health and want to prevent your depression from taking hold, you will need to focus on a few things:
1. Stop and think about what you're grateful for. Be thankful that you can talk, walk,sing, hear, see, etc etc. Really focus on how wonderful it is to have these abilities. Immediately, you are expressing gratitude and thus taking yourself to a more positive place.
2. Turn your energies(what little you have!) to a hobby that you enjoy doing - gardening, crafting, painting, sewing, cooking, reading....... You may think you feel too sick to do it, but, try to do something towards it - even if it is planning what you'll do when you're better.
3. Focus on someone else. You may have a mother who loves a visit, or a gran. You may have a little person in your life who loves you and wants to spend time with you - focus on them for a bit and let yourself just love. By seeing the other person , really, you are taking away the intraspective part of yourself for a while and thus aiding in your wellness.
We all go through times when we feel ill or in pain. It's very consuming. You, however, have the power to decide what you will do with how you're feeling. Will you just succumb to feeling low and unwell, or will you decide to rest your body but entertain your mind to fight off the depression?
I know what I'd choose. How about you?
Take care over the week and choose wisely.
                                                    Deb