Take time out to listen to others. I mean really listen.
When people are talking do you think of an opinion? Do you think of what you want to say next? Maybe you can't even wait for them to finish before you have to add something? This is so common now a days. People are so wrapped up in their lives that they have lost the ability to truly listen.
When you're depressed, one of the things is that you become very wrapped up in yourself and your emotions. It is at this time that you often fnd yourself not really listening to others unless you can relate to what they are saying. A way to help yourself with this is to become aware first of all that you are doing this.
Next, try to listen to someone, preferably a friend, talking. When they are talking, focus totally on what they are saying. When you do this, don't think of your own opinion. It is actually quite difficult. What this does is help you to focus your attention away from yourself. It's not only great for your friend because you are paying such great attention, but it is excellent for you!
To help yourself in not forming opinions, ask pertinent questions and actively participate in the conversation. Try to remain positive and non- judgemental.
During this next week, make it your mission to focus on what others are saying, without feeling the need to explain anything of yourself. Don't worry if no one asks you about yourself either. It actually helps you to remain focused on your task! Let go of expecting others to ask you about your well being!
I hope the week ahead is filled with great conversations and fabulous listening on your part!
Take care
Deb
xx
Showing posts with label focus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label focus. Show all posts
14 January 2012
24 June 2011
Gaining Clarity.
I have learned that life appears to lack purpose when we are not clear on what it is that we want. Often when we are depressed and spiralling out of control, we can't even think about what to cook for dinner, let alone, think about what it is that we want out of our life. There is a reason we talk about things 'spiralling' out of control, because it is circular and continuous .You'll need to step out sideways to help yourself.
How do you get clear on what you want?
Make a list of everything that you'd like to do with your life. This list mustn't be influenced by logic or financial issues. Just go ahead and list it all. Now, do an elimination. Compare number 1 on your list with number 2- choose just one between those two, then compare the one you chose with number 3 and choose only 1 of those etc etc. At the end, you will have really limited your list and made note of only those that are the most important. I know it feels like you're really eliminating some that are hard to choose between, but give it a go, you can always come back to it.
At the end, you may have about 8 or so points that you had really found hard to eliminate. Do it over with those extras until you're left with your top 5 .
Those top 5 are obviously deeply important to you and are things that you really want to achieve someday . Here are some examples:
-Live in a large 5 bedroomed house by the sea
-writing successful mystery novels
-spending lots of quality time with my family
-going on a family holiday at least once a year
-helping millions of people
etc
To help you could begin your sentence with- I"m living my ideal life when I am......
In life, the reason we don't succeed is because we are not clear and focused on what it is that we want. Take time out now, to decide what it is you want to focus on , even if you're not sure how you're going to achieve it yet, just write them up in various places around your home and read them several times in the day. It is like programming your mind for clarity. Be open to what is taking you away from these things and what is pulling you closer towards them.
Next time, I"ll help you further by getting you to make yardsticks by which to measure when it is that you have succeeded in achieving that which you desire. In other words, how to know when you're "there".
Have a great time thinking of your ideal life.
chat soon
Deb
How do you get clear on what you want?
Make a list of everything that you'd like to do with your life. This list mustn't be influenced by logic or financial issues. Just go ahead and list it all. Now, do an elimination. Compare number 1 on your list with number 2- choose just one between those two, then compare the one you chose with number 3 and choose only 1 of those etc etc. At the end, you will have really limited your list and made note of only those that are the most important. I know it feels like you're really eliminating some that are hard to choose between, but give it a go, you can always come back to it.
At the end, you may have about 8 or so points that you had really found hard to eliminate. Do it over with those extras until you're left with your top 5 .
Those top 5 are obviously deeply important to you and are things that you really want to achieve someday . Here are some examples:
-Live in a large 5 bedroomed house by the sea
-writing successful mystery novels
-spending lots of quality time with my family
-going on a family holiday at least once a year
-helping millions of people
etc
To help you could begin your sentence with- I"m living my ideal life when I am......
In life, the reason we don't succeed is because we are not clear and focused on what it is that we want. Take time out now, to decide what it is you want to focus on , even if you're not sure how you're going to achieve it yet, just write them up in various places around your home and read them several times in the day. It is like programming your mind for clarity. Be open to what is taking you away from these things and what is pulling you closer towards them.
Next time, I"ll help you further by getting you to make yardsticks by which to measure when it is that you have succeeded in achieving that which you desire. In other words, how to know when you're "there".
Have a great time thinking of your ideal life.
chat soon
Deb
15 June 2011
Setting Goals and achieving them Part 2..
Well, I hope you have had a great week compiling your list of goals and deciding what to focus on. When you are in a depressed state, one of the ways to help yourself to overcome overwhelming emotions is to focus on a goal. Even if that goal is simple , like, making sure you leave your house at least once a day. Goals don't have to be grand , they can just be something that you personally would like to achieve. I have more points for you , as I said in my previous post to assist you in creating a focus. Points 1 to 5 are in my previous post.
6. Be Specific in what direction you want to go in, and how you propose to get closer to your goal. What do you hope to achieve by reaching your goal? You need to be aware of what is driving you to achieve and maintain your focus, as this will help you with maintaining your motivation.
7. Committment - Failure is not an option.When you don't allow yourself an out, you have no choice but to move forward and proceed with your plans.
8. Progress reports to stay on track. On a road to reach a destination, you have signs to show you the way. Signs are like a feed back to you to say you're on the right road. Check regularly to see that what you are doing is taking you closer to your goal, not further away.
9. Goals are your jigsaw lid ! Have you ever tried to put a jigsaw together without the picture on the lid? It's really difficult and for some of us, just impossible ! The lid is like your goals and the jigsaw is your life. Don't try to create the jigsaw of your life without the goals to guide you. You will spend a lot of frustrating times, wondering why your life isn't working.
10. A goal is an idea of what you'd like in your life. It all begins as a dream and becomes a goal, once you realize you can obtain it.
I realize that depending on your level of depression, this post may not suit you, but I urge you to try some goal setting. Keep it simple and go for achieving one goal at a time. If you make too many goals at once, you can become over whelmed and achieve none .
I wish you good times this week. Use the days ahead wisely and with purpose.
Take care til next time.
Deb
6. Be Specific in what direction you want to go in, and how you propose to get closer to your goal. What do you hope to achieve by reaching your goal? You need to be aware of what is driving you to achieve and maintain your focus, as this will help you with maintaining your motivation.
7. Committment - Failure is not an option.When you don't allow yourself an out, you have no choice but to move forward and proceed with your plans.
8. Progress reports to stay on track. On a road to reach a destination, you have signs to show you the way. Signs are like a feed back to you to say you're on the right road. Check regularly to see that what you are doing is taking you closer to your goal, not further away.
9. Goals are your jigsaw lid ! Have you ever tried to put a jigsaw together without the picture on the lid? It's really difficult and for some of us, just impossible ! The lid is like your goals and the jigsaw is your life. Don't try to create the jigsaw of your life without the goals to guide you. You will spend a lot of frustrating times, wondering why your life isn't working.
10. A goal is an idea of what you'd like in your life. It all begins as a dream and becomes a goal, once you realize you can obtain it.
I realize that depending on your level of depression, this post may not suit you, but I urge you to try some goal setting. Keep it simple and go for achieving one goal at a time. If you make too many goals at once, you can become over whelmed and achieve none .
I wish you good times this week. Use the days ahead wisely and with purpose.
Take care til next time.
Deb
27 April 2011
Find your focus !
Do you ever feel "absent minded" ? It is a feeling of floating aimlessly, almost lost. There is an abscense of joy. This is very much like the depths of depression.
It is during this time that things pass you by, people pass you by. It is like drifting in a fog. During this time so much is lost - we loose the connectedness of life.
As humans, it is important to make connections - to places, people and even some things. It is who we are. So, if you have been feeling "absent minded" lately, it is because you are focusing on the wrong things. STOP. Take some time now, to review your last month and what your focus has been. Now, decide what you would like your focus in life to be.
Every step you take forward, remind yourself of your focus and make sure that your steps take you towards your goal, not further away.This does take considerable effort and you can't slip back into the fog. If it helps you to retain your focus, write your goal down several times and stick it places that you look at a lot . For example , mirror, computer, TV, fridge etc.
It is also important to only focus on one main goal at a time. By doing this, you are sure to succeed at it, as it is of sole importance.
I wish you joy this week. Find your focus and move solidly towards it.
Good luck.
Take care
Deb
It is during this time that things pass you by, people pass you by. It is like drifting in a fog. During this time so much is lost - we loose the connectedness of life.
As humans, it is important to make connections - to places, people and even some things. It is who we are. So, if you have been feeling "absent minded" lately, it is because you are focusing on the wrong things. STOP. Take some time now, to review your last month and what your focus has been. Now, decide what you would like your focus in life to be.
Every step you take forward, remind yourself of your focus and make sure that your steps take you towards your goal, not further away.This does take considerable effort and you can't slip back into the fog. If it helps you to retain your focus, write your goal down several times and stick it places that you look at a lot . For example , mirror, computer, TV, fridge etc.
It is also important to only focus on one main goal at a time. By doing this, you are sure to succeed at it, as it is of sole importance.
I wish you joy this week. Find your focus and move solidly towards it.
Good luck.
Take care
Deb
29 December 2010
Life is what you make it.
Life is definitely what you make of it. If you know that you're going to be alone , or mostly alone during this holiday time, make plans to visit some people/friends/relatives. I know that when you're suffering with depression, very often this is the last thing you feel like doing. It's something that you MUST do. The visit doesn't have to last for a day- an hour or two at the most. The important thing during this slowing down time is that, you have a focus each day. As I've discussed in a previous post, make a list of a few things you'd like to do each day, a fun list to fit the season.
If you must do housework - plan to listen to some funky , motivating music while you work!
If you can think of absolutely no-one that you want to visit, then look around you , plan to spend an hour in the park(weather permitting!) on a picnic rug, reading a book, or pop over to the local library to find some great books or DVD's to rent. Go for a walk along the beach , or for a skate in your local area. Pay attention to your surroundings - take photos, create a holiday collage with your happy snaps....... the list is absolutely endless.
So you see, life is what you decide you want to make of it. I hope during this holiday season, you find someone else to share joy with, if not, share it with yourself !! You're worth it.
Take care
Debxxx
If you must do housework - plan to listen to some funky , motivating music while you work!
If you can think of absolutely no-one that you want to visit, then look around you , plan to spend an hour in the park(weather permitting!) on a picnic rug, reading a book, or pop over to the local library to find some great books or DVD's to rent. Go for a walk along the beach , or for a skate in your local area. Pay attention to your surroundings - take photos, create a holiday collage with your happy snaps....... the list is absolutely endless.
So you see, life is what you decide you want to make of it. I hope during this holiday season, you find someone else to share joy with, if not, share it with yourself !! You're worth it.
Take care
Debxxx
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