Friendships and depression

What do you do when others around you bring you down further?
How do you deal with the 'friend' who complains a lot and criticizes a fair bit ? When the 'friend ' leaves, you actually feel more down.
This is such a common problem. We allow the people around us to dictate the mood of the social gathering instead of us trying to manipulate it into a great social time. The reason we do that is, primarily , if you're suffering with depression, you don't always have the strength and self esteem to be able to go up against an opinionated person. You are absolutely not alone. The trick with this problem is:
First, acknowledge that this person is ruining the gathering,
Second, decide what you have the strength to do- get up and leave , begin a lively discussion with some around you, or change the subject if the party of people is a small group.
There are always choices in every situation.
Before going out, which for a depressed person can be quite a big deal anyway, decide that you want to have a good time and enjoy yourself. By doing this, you are more likely to take action when someone begins to bring the mood down.
The other thing to mention is : don't take negative comments or criticisms back home with you. As you're leaving the party/restaurant/home, imagine you're walking through the bad comments and leaving them in the venue, they are not attached to you and not welcome in your home. I know this seems like a strange suggestion, but many things are fueled by our powerful imaginations, why not let them work for good!!

If you have  a 'friend ' who often pops over and causes you to feel bad about yourself , this person is not really your friend. I have mentioned before, but this can never get too much air time, you need to distance yourself from this person. If they pop over unannounced daily, you need to open the door slightly and just mention that now isn't really a good time , hope she understands and thanks anyway for stopping by. Don't stand there and discuss why, you don't need to give any reason why, just because.
It is in people's nature to want to know if you're alright, you just need to say something like- I'm fine, now is just not a good time for me. Give this a try, I guarantee you'll feel quite empowered when you see it working!!
Well, I hope you are able to surround yourself with positive people this week!
Take care until next time.
Deb

Skewed perceptions during depression.

Just  chatting to a friend today about how when things happen that get you down or you do already suffer from depression, we tend to perceive things differently.
For instance, when your significant other forgets to say ' I love you' at an expected time ; you immediately feel hurt, rejected and start thinking that there's someone else .... and so the mind goes on...
This is skewed perception . It is totally in our mind , it is what we perceive to be true at that time.
When we are suffering from depression, it is amazing how the truths that we perceive can be so totally unrealistic and 'out there'. I realize that if you're currently in this situation, you won't be able to see it.
An example could be: You think a friend is ignoring you, you feel hurt and rejected. You start to wonder what you did wrong and become a little obsessed in thinking about it. Sound familiar??
 Just for a minute, think about what the other person is going through and whether they are ignoring you because they don't like you or because they are seriously distracted and are having a crisis of their own? There's a good chance that if they're your friend, you need to stop thinking in terms of how the person is relating to you and start thinking how you can relate to them. Stop doubting your magnificence and start reaching out to help a friend in need.
Also, just a little note before I end today. All of us are going through various things in life. You are not the only one, so feel free to share about your life with others. How can a friend possibly support you during your time of need , if you won't let her know how you are feeling.
I hope this helps for this week. Take time to think of others and share some of yourself with your dear friends.
                Take care
                        Deb