Truly listening helps depression.

Take time out to listen to others. I mean really listen.
When people are talking do you think of an opinion? Do you think of what you want to say next? Maybe you can't even wait for them to finish before you have to add something? This is so common now a days. People are so wrapped up in their lives that they have lost the ability to truly listen.
When you're depressed, one of the things is that you become very wrapped up in yourself and your emotions. It is at this time that you often fnd yourself not really listening to others unless you can relate to what they are saying. A way to help yourself with this is to become aware first of all that you are doing this.
Next, try to listen to someone, preferably a friend, talking. When they are talking, focus totally on what they are saying. When you do this, don't think of your own opinion. It is actually quite difficult. What this does is help you to focus your attention away from yourself. It's not only great for your friend because you are paying such great attention, but it is excellent for you!
To help yourself in not forming opinions, ask pertinent questions and actively participate in the conversation. Try to remain positive and non- judgemental.
During this next week, make it your mission to focus on what others are saying, without feeling the need to explain anything of yourself. Don't worry if no one asks you about yourself either. It actually helps you to remain focused on your task! Let go of expecting others to ask you about your well being!
I hope the week ahead is filled with great conversations and fabulous listening on your part!
Take care
Deb
xx

Sharing love , Joy and peace.

Happy New Year ! I hope your year has begun with good things flowing your way. I have decided that I will choose a word for the year. I have chosen: ABUNDANCE. I feel it encapsulates all that I want to achieve. I wish to be an abundant person in realizing that I am enough, just the way I am.
I am constantly working on myself to improve how I view my life and the lives of those around me.
I've learned that when people get angry with me, it's usually because something didn't go the way they wanted it to go, it's usually them that has the problem, not me.
I've learned that I deserve to be loved.
I"ve learned that I have a lot to share with others and that it's not for me to judge whether it's benefitting someone or not, but to just give and let it go.
I"ve learned that our purpose in life is to share love, joy and peace with others in whatever job we do.

In the last declaration I have made, I recently realized that if we focus on just giving love and joy and peace in whatever we are doing, it makes such a difference to how  we do things. It might be something as mundane as housework, or finding the right product for a person so that it suits all their needs. No matter what we do, if it is done with these values, we will change ourselves and those around us, one step at a time.
A real help to depression and our desire to overcome it, is to look outside of ourselves and decide to improve others lives, not by providing them with a materialistic item, but by sharing our love, joy and peace with them. I have seen people visibly relax when I share these values with them, just by being me. You could try it and watch the love grow. It really does help you to get out of your head and into the world.
I hope your week ahead is one filled with love, joy and peace.
Take care
Deb

Helping yourself.

I hope your Christmas was a happy one! It certainly does help to make the decision to have a happy time, it makes you look for the happiness in everything. That is what I do, and it works for me.

I feel the need to share some recent experiences with you. I have suffered with hayfever and sinisitus for a long time. Whilst it is by no means life threatening, it can really make you feel disgusting and limit your social life! This year, I decided that I'd had enough of hibernating during this season, it was time to take action. For some, this may seem difficult, but if you focus on getting well in your physical self, it can really improve your mental state.

I began certain affirmations that I knew would help, I avoided dairy, I avoided as much as possible being exposed to outdoors. All this helped to a small degree, but I found I still needed to take medication- my last resort. When that didn't even help, I was fairly desparate.
I then went to try something that I've never before tried...... Acupuncture!  You can't have a fear of needles and go there!
Anyway, this has been life altering in that I have felt clear and more focused than I have in years.
The point of this story? Well, it is this:
Always be open to new ideas and new ways of thinking if you are wanting to improve your well being. You are always in control of where you want your life to go and how you are feeling. There may be times you need outside help, that's ok. The important thing is that you do what you can to help yourself.
I hope this motivates you to try something new this week to improve your well being.
Take care
Deb

Whole body health

I've found that a very real problem in trying to keep the spirits up is taking care of your whole body.
So, what I mean is, slotting in some exercise, sleeping adequately and balancing time with friends.
Are you one of those people who constantly says or thinks: "I"m too busy".....  It is some peoples standard response when invited to things or when comments are made about enjoying yourself.
Well, you are only as busy as you think you are!!
A suggestion is this: Don't decide that you 're going to exercise every day- that is just unrealistic. Think seriously about your life and see if you can make 2 or 3 times a week. Now that sounds a bit more doable! When you bring it down to smaller amounts, it's suddenly not as over whelming. The thing to remember is that even if you manage only twice in the week, that is two more times than you would have done in the past- so , celebrate.
When it comes to sleeping, this cannot be over emphasized. If you lack sleep, it directly affects your cognitive abilities as well as your emotions. You become much more susceptible to slipping into a depressive state when you are constantly tired. This is why, new parents are at such a risk. Sleep is one of the most important things you can do for your general health and well being. Try to set a sleep time and stick to it as much as possible. You will be really glad you did when you awaken in the morning and feel great.
During the week, try to do these 2 things to assist you towards a healthy 2012.
Remember, although this is the silly season, you don't have to be hurried and rushed - you can choose to have a fun week.
I hope you do!
Take care
Deb

Tis the Season to be Merry??

Well, Christmas time is here again. It is traditionally a time for touching base with family and friends, exchanging small gifts, and spending time with loved ones. BUT, what happens if you have no family where you are? What happens if you don't feel you want to impose on anyone on Christmas day?
How do you cope with keeping your spirits up at this time?
Well, I'll tell you how I do it. I have no family and I have always felt that Christmas is a family time.
I decided a few years ago, to create a Christmas that was with my traditions. It was like wiping the slate clean and starting again. I do a celebration dinner on Christmas eve with friends, which means I"m not encroaching on their time, but I'm still managing to have a Christmas that I want. It's also lots of fun! If you don't cook all that well, neither do I , yet I managed with precooked chickens and other things!! It's not the food necessarily, but the company and what the holiday represents to you.
You have a choice. You can choose to withdraw and pity yourself, or you can choose to get out there, and include yourself in the festivities.

On Christmas day, I've grown to really enjoy the relaxing that goes with not having to go to anyone's home, or the expectations of having to cook extra to take along!! Celebrate what you do have!
Another great way to give back if you're alone, is to offer to help at a refuge for people less fortunate. How wonderful is it to offer your services on Christmas day. It embodies all that Christmas is.

There are so many things to celebrate in this life, it all comes down to whether you will choose to do this or not.
Well, I hope you make a good choice and enjoy life!
Take care till next time
Deb

Gaining Clarity.

I have learned that life appears to lack purpose when we are not clear on what it is that we want. Often when we are depressed and spiralling out of control, we can't even think about what to cook for dinner, let alone, think about what it is that we want out of our life. There is a reason we talk about things 'spiralling' out of control, because it is circular and continuous .You'll need to step out sideways to help yourself.
How do you get clear on what you want?
Make a list of everything that you'd like to do with your life. This list mustn't be influenced by logic or financial issues. Just go ahead and list it all. Now, do an elimination. Compare number 1 on your list with number 2- choose just one between those two, then compare the one you chose with number 3 and choose only 1 of those etc etc. At the end, you will have really limited your list and made note of only those that are the most important. I know it feels like you're really eliminating some that are hard to choose between, but give it a go, you can always come back to it.
At the end, you may have about 8 or so points that you had really found hard to eliminate. Do it over with those extras until you're left with your top 5 .
Those top 5 are obviously deeply important to you and are things that you really want to achieve someday . Here are some examples:
-Live in a large 5 bedroomed house by the sea
-writing successful mystery novels
-spending lots of quality time with my family
-going on a family holiday at least once a year
-helping millions of people
etc
To help you could begin your sentence with- I"m living my ideal life when I am......
In life, the reason we don't succeed is because we are not clear and focused on what it is that we want. Take time out now, to decide what it is you want to focus on , even if you're not sure how you're going to achieve it yet, just write them up in various places around your home and read them several times in the day. It is like programming your mind for clarity. Be open to what is taking you away from these things and what is pulling you closer towards them.
Next time, I"ll help you further by getting you to make yardsticks by which to measure when it is that you have succeeded in achieving that which you desire. In other words, how to know when you're "there".
Have a great time thinking of your ideal life.
chat soon
Deb

Setting Goals and achieving them Part 2..

Well, I hope you have had a great week compiling your list of goals and deciding what to focus on. When you are in a depressed state, one of the ways to help yourself to overcome overwhelming emotions is to focus on a goal. Even if that goal is simple , like, making sure you leave your house at least once a day. Goals don't have to be grand , they can just be something that you personally would like to achieve.  I have more points for you , as I said in my previous post to assist you in creating a focus. Points 1 to 5 are in my previous post.

6. Be Specific in what direction you want to go in, and how you propose to get closer to your goal. What do you hope to achieve by reaching your goal? You need to be aware of what is driving you to achieve and maintain your focus, as this will help you with maintaining your  motivation.

7. Committment - Failure is not an option.When you don't allow yourself an out, you have no choice but to move forward and proceed with your plans.

8. Progress reports to stay on track. On a road to reach a destination, you have signs to show you the way. Signs are like a feed back to you to say you're on the right road. Check regularly to see that what you are doing is taking you closer to your goal, not further away.

9. Goals are your jigsaw lid ! Have you ever tried to put a jigsaw together without the picture on the lid? It's really difficult and for some of us, just impossible ! The lid is like your goals and the jigsaw is your life. Don't try to create the jigsaw of your life without the goals to guide you. You will spend a lot of frustrating times, wondering why your life isn't working.

10. A goal is an idea of what you'd like in your life. It all begins as a dream and becomes a goal, once you realize you can obtain it.

I realize that depending on your level of depression, this post may not suit you, but I urge you to try some goal setting. Keep it simple and go for achieving one goal at a time. If you make too many goals at once, you can become over whelmed and achieve none .
I wish you good times this week. Use the days ahead wisely and with purpose.
Take care til next time.
Deb